And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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