you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
