Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dear god my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
