You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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