I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
