I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
