The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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