can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
