I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cut my penus on the lid.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
