Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
