why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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