the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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