there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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