forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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