Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
