On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
