I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
