i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
