I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
