Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hippo gnu deer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
