Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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