I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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