I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
