Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want nice things and good sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
