Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
