No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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