Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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