That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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