i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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