Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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