Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
