Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
