dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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