masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
