I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
