it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize