Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize