after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
