went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
