I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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