I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
