I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
