my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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