So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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