...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
