so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a search helicopter?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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