Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
