how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
