I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
