Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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