My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
