Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
