my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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