how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
