I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
