He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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