Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
