Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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