Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
