Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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