My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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