We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
