he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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