The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
