Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
