Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and she was petting her beer can
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
