i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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