be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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